Trot Prizes!

Who wants to win some prizes??!!

Fundraising really isn't that hard.  Just register to run or walk on Jan. 28th, then ask a couple people if they'd like to sponsor you.

How much money in sponsorships do you think you can raise?

$75     Easy
$100    Just $10 from 10 people
$200    Come on, the girl scouts can do it!
$300    I want to win an iPad 2!!!!!

Go to the Trot to Adopt Blog and register under the Cote Family too to guarantee a t-shirt. (Sneak peak coming soon!)

1st place prize for the runner or walker that raises the most sponsor money 

2nd place

Print your sponsor form here and get started today!

Don't forget, bring your form and all money collected to the race on Jan. 28th, rain or shine.

Fingerprints

So, after a 2 and a half month wait for our fingerprint appointment, we finally got the go ahead! Go figure, it was scheduled for the busiest month of the year and the busiest week of this month. We took all three girls with us and left bright and early on Monday morning. Our appointment was for the office in Charleston, so I thought it would be fun for us all to go and then to do something fun while we were there. I really wanted to go see some historical sites since it goes right along with our history this year, but the weather was cold and rainy, yuk!

So, we made it to the USCIS at right about 11:30am, we were barely there for 15 minutes, in and out and fingerprinted. The girls were very well behaived, but they were a little disappointed that they couldn't actually watch us be fingerprinted.

No cameras allowed inside, but we snagged a picture in the regular building area.

So after a long car ride where mom made them do school work, we headed to the SC Aquarium for an afternoon of fun.  We got to see a sea turtle (the highlight for mom!)

 And the kids got to see Scuba Clause, so cool!  Later, he even had some elf helpers join him....

A Great Couple of Days!

No time for real blogging, but the last three days have been great ones!

Sunday, my oldest sweet girl was baptized!  Both girls told me several months ago that they had asked Jesus into their hearts, what a blessed momma I am.  Big Sis has been talking about being baptized and this Sunday we finally went with it.  She is the one I struggle with the most, I can't wait to watch God work amazing things in her life.  Her heart is as big as they come.

Monday, in my hands, fresh from the mail....THE FINISHED HOMESTUDY!!!!!!
I went into overdrive adoption paperwork mode last night, so much I can now finish up with this wonderful piece of the puzzle finished!  Little boy, your momma wishes you were here NOW, but I'm comin' as fast as I can.

Today, Tuesday Sept. 27th, my sweet niece was born.  Just three hours ago.  We have prayed for this little life for years and then for very different reasons we have prayed for her over the past months and weeks.  She comes into this very broken world, with her life, very different than it should be.  But, today and in a week (physically), I will be praying over her for God to do a miracle in her mother's life and then in her life.  In Jesus's name I claim this sweet girl for His Kingdom.  What God has planned, the enemy is trying to snatch away and turn into evil.  I will not stand by and idly watch, no I will not.  I am an aunt for the first time for real!  Not that I don't have a special place for all my by-law nieces and nephews, I do love them.  But, it's so exciting that my baby brother is a daddy, I pray he does it well.

6 Months and Adoption Day

When Baby Sis was born, you can bet a few short days later, I looked at a calendar to see what our "adoption day" would be, you know, the magic age when our agency would let us come back.  It felt odd that it was 9-11, but somehow fitting.  That was the day our country will always remember those lost, but now it was a day of hope and a life added to our family.

Now we are so excited, that we did NOT have to wait the whole six months to get back in the saddle with our adoption, but I still sort of think as today as adoption day :-)

What's happening with the adoption you say?  Well, we are finished with the homestudy!!! Again ;-) We should have a hard copy that we can send off to get our fingerprints appointment this week!!!



So, happy six month birthday to my sweet baby girl, wow, where is the time going?!

And happy adoption day to my sweet boy.  Has he been born, is his birth mother still pregnant, or is he only a sweet child in the Father's hands still being formed by his Creator?  Whichever it is, I am thinking of him today.

What if she had no mommy?

Baby Sis is 20 weeks today!

The other day, I was changing Baby Sis's diaper and making her laugh and I actually thought out loud, "What if you had no mommy?  Who would play with you and make you laugh?" 

What if???

Let me tell you a little about my sweet on her 20th week birthday.  

She is a momma's girl.

She smiles at just about anyone who makes eye contact and she melts everyone's heart that stops to talk to her.

I think her favorite place is W*lmart because there are so many people there and they all want to stop and soak in some of the smiles.

She hardly ever cries (don't hate me, just read on).   I mean, she sends out a little fuss when the diaper is dirty and no one tends to it fast enough and she puts up a good attempt at the mad cry when she wakes up from a nap if her momma doesn't nurse her fast enough, but she really never cries (except for the last 5 minutes of the car ride home from church on a Wednesday night...an hour after her bed time).
 *Disclaimer : she either does not cry because third baby's are perfect gems send from heaven, or her mother spoils her rotten, because she is the third...or a little of both.

So, what would this little gem's life look like if she were an orphan?

Would she smile at the drop of a hat?

Would her eyes twinkle when the little old lady stopped by to chat with her?

Would she cry more?

Would she be rolling over or grabbing her feet?

What would her life look like?



And with all those thoughts, I wondered about my other girls, what would their lives look like....

it almost made me sick....




How can we not adopt?

How can anyone not consider adopting?

Injustice

The injustice of it all is sometimes too much. The sadness is hard to deal with when my sweet friends bring their babies home and I wish it was us. But when the injustice of it all shows its ugly face, it's too much, I want to yell, I want to scream, and I want to get on a plane and bring however many babies back from Africa that I can carry. You would think that I would have my hands full these days with a nursing baby, homeschooling the big kids, and trying to sleep in between.....

No....

Instead, that makes the injustice of it worse.

While I'm snuggling the baby, my heart aches for the one crying in the orphanage.

While I'm nursing her at my breast, my heart breaks for the mother who has no milk because she herself hasn't eaten for days.

When the baby falls asleep with that look on her face that I can only call the "drunk baby" look, I want to cry for the baby who is starving.

When I assign school for my big girls, I cannot fathom that children are working just to help feed their families and they don't even have the option of school.

As I fold several receiving blankets in my little ones laundry, I realize there are street children shivering in the cold night.

No, being busy with baby hasn't made me forget, in fact, it would say my heart hurts more today than it did a year ago for the poor, the orphan, the forgotten of our world. Not to mention, when I read posts like this, I am simply heartbroken.  I have 2 hands, the injustice of the world is terrible, I could take care of my sweet one month old and another little one. Would it be harder? Yes. Would they all sometimes wait an extra minute for their needs? Yes, sometimes. But that would be better than the orphanages or the streets where the majority of the 143 million orphans are right now.

While I am feeling like this, I realize, how many people who call themselves Children of God are in their comfortable homes with income to spare, with 1000 sq. feet per person in their house and they won't consider taking one of these children. They won't even honestly ask God if this would be something that they should consider. Why?! I want to yell it!

Not in condemnation, but with the hopes of opening their eyes. In hopes of showing them what a difference they can make in a child's life. What a difference THAT child would make in THEIR life.

And with all this I am wondering, why Lord? Why am I waiting? I am willing, I'm willing right NOW.

I long to know my son, I long to hold him in my arms and look into his eyes. I long for him to snuggle next to his sister, his soon to be twin, people laugh when I tell them I will have twins, but truly, that is how I see them. My sweet twins, one with white skin and brown straight hair and one with chocolate skin and tight black curls. One from my body, born here in my home, and one born in my heart, destined for our family from the beginning of time by the Creator, born somewhere in a dusty Ethiopia home. I pray they will be the best of friends, who always have each other, who have their own special language as toddlers...that only they understand. I pray they can start that relationship soon, sooner than it will probably happen, soon Lord, soon.

Soon.

I don't really want to wait.

But I will, and while I wait, it's almost too much to go with daily life as if there is not a whole different life on the other side of the world...and it looks so much different than this.

I've come to realize that I am NOT Normal

So, I have just about decided that it's time to admit something to myself....are you ready for it?

I am not normal.

Most of my life, I have never really been bothered by what others have thought of me.

As a child, if someone believed something differently as far as the Bible went, I would (very confidently) correct them (based on my knowledge) and move on with life, not really worried of their opinion of me. Mind you, I may or may not have always been correct.

In college, I had no problem going about a daily task in my sweats or comfy pajama pants. If someone thought I was a slob, oh well...hey I was in college and didn't really care.

As a young mom, I was doing good to get a shower and brush my teeth.... good for you if you had a matching, stylish outfit and make-up on, I didn't have the time or the energy.

The thing is, most of this time, I have felt pretty normal.  I felt like I was the same as most people. Maybe more passionate about somethings, but still within the normal range.

But here lately, I have been making choices that have put me out of the ordinary. They all don't necessarily go together, some have nothing to do with each other, and maybe one of the choices by itself, I would still be considered normal.

The problem is, you put all the decisions together and someone finds out about all of them at the same time (like when you are having dinner with your dh's work people and you are casually chatting about life) you realize, when it's all said out loud, wow, we are really NOT normal.

So here is it, all of the reasons that I am not normal (yikes, the list seems to be growing the older I get!)

We are adopting (even though we can have biological children). This is my favorite reason that we are not normal. Something that I have come to realize that as a Christian, God calls our lives to really look different and to stand out.  This is one way that my family wants to look different. We want to adopt because God adopted us, His heart is for adoption, and there are plenty of orphans all over the world. So we will answer His call to care for the orphan by bringing one or two or three....if my hubby is reading this, he is smiling and shaking his head, his blood pressure is rising and he is wondering about all the dollar signs ;-) ....orphans into our home and call them our own.

We are homeschooling our children. Now, in some circles, this is a big one. But, since I am so surrounded in our town and in our church by homeschooling families, I forget how different this is....until I get the "Wow! Really! I bet that's really hard" or "You must have a lot of patience, or energy, or insert whatever misconception people have about homeschooling moms." Really people, some days I have very little patience, probably less than you do if you send your kids to school because you had a break from them :-)

And yes, it's really hard, but I am doing it anyway. I believe, as I do with adoption, that God has called me to this. It didn't start out because of my beliefs, but it it has defiantly evolved into one of my main reasons. God just used the initial reasons to convict me and help me to see that this was the best option for my children.  Again, God calls us to look differently. Without sounding like I am trying to condemn those who send their children off to school (that is completely not what I want to do! This is just how God has shown me we need to look different), I feel like we as a family cannot look different from the world if my children spend the majority of their time being influenced by someone other than me (i.e. teachers, classmates, people whose beliefs might be very different than mine).  I feel like if I put them out in the world before they have a good foundation, I am setting them up to fail.  As a young man that has been homeschooled said, "A little sheltering is good.  Why stand out in the rain if you don't have to?"

We had (well, my hubby had...) a vasectomy reversal and will probably have more children (biological). I went a little more into this subject here, but in a nutshell...we are trusting that God will provide for our family.  I'm not sure how I will handle it, but I can see us with a large family.  Not Duggar large, but hey, with the American average family size at 4, we are already bigger than some.

The above things are big decisions, here are some smaller things that I do that really add to my abnormality ;-)


We had a homebirth.  Love, love, love this new decision that I made with Baby Sis, it turned out awesome and you can read about it here.

We are cloth diapering with this new little one.  Yes, I have gotten some serious reactions to this one.  Some are entertaining, some are a little hurtful, but hey, I love it so far.  I am even currently using the diapers that your great grandmother used....flats!  EEK!  You actually have to fold them!  Now, we have cool velcro tabbed covers to go over them, and really...folding them is a novelty, so it's fun.  By the time the novelty wears off, she will be big enough to fit in our cool, 21st century cloth diapers...

like these.....




Some things that are soon to come in our life of not being normal, but are not in effect yet....

I am leaning towards courting for my children.  I am starting to believe that dating and breaking up is just practice for divorce.  With Christian divorce rates almost exactly the same as secular rates...something has to change.

I would love to go live in Africa for a time period and help or run an orphanage.  Not sure this will ever happen, but I bring it up to hubby all the time....we'll see :)

So there you have it, I said it!  I am not really normal.  I'm okay with that, I still really don't care what others think.  I mean, sometimes I catch myself wondering, but I am striving to only please God.  I do want people to "like" me, so I need to work on that a bit more.  But, more and more I am trying to live radically for Christ, with my family and as an individual. 

A Quiver Full

The average family size in the US is down to 3.19.  Wow, that's a little crazy to me.  We have a family of 4 that will change in the next 2 months to 5 and again change to a family of 6 when we finally have Caleb.  We will almost double the family average in about 1-2 years. 

The sad thing is, people seem to not agree with this.  They seem to think that we might struggle financially the more children we have.  I disagree.  First of all, I know that God promises that He will take care of the needs.  

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?  Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

  “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,  yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

  “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Matt. 6:25-32

I know that we will have to be wise about our money, I know that we will not have all the extravagant things that people think they need to have.  But I also know that we do not need very much.  Really...if you took an inventory of everything in your house and everything had to have a label of either need or want.....I really believe the need pile would be pretty small.....if we were honest with ourselves.

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward. 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one's youth. 

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;

They will not be ashamed

When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

But more than the needs aspect of having a bigger family, I am so comforted by  Psalm 127.  We are told that children are a blessing from God....why wouldn't I want to have many blessings?

Children are compared to arrows of a warrior....would a warrior go into battle with 1 or 2 arrows?  Really and truly, I know that God will take care of our needs, I know that God will bless us and the children that we have.

It's sad though, knowing that most likely, from here on out....we might not get the big excitement from others when we announce another one on the way, or the decision to adopt another might be met with skepticism rather than joy.  Maybe even from family members....

That's okay.

We are going to adopt sweet Caleb after we have this little one God has blessed us with.

We just might get pregnant...again....someday

We probably will adopt ....again....someday

If the Lord sees fit to bless us more.

The Event that Changed it All!

So, I have been thinking about the people in Haiti recently, not just because of the anniversary of their earthquake, but because of the significance that earthquake has had on my family.

First off let me say that I am praying for peace and stability for that country.....just the other day I read an news article about the rampant rape crimes that are happening because of poor lighting and poor security in the communities that many people have lived in since the earthquake. It's sad to know that this is happening and that even when a woman is brave enough to come forward, nothing is done about it.

The story said that children as young as 2 were at risk.....

I have no words for that.....

I have to give it to the Lord and hug my girls a little tighter.

So what changed for our family with the earthquake you ask?

Well, you may know that a year ago, I desperately wanted to be pregnant. My dear sweet hubby and I had traveled all the way to Texas to have a vasectomy reversal in November. The doctor was very encouraged and I just knew that I would be pregnant in no time. But, as it was, in January, I was not pregnant and I was very anxious about whether or not the surgery was successful. Kelly saw that stress, he saw my tears over wanting a baby, knowing that we were supposed to be a bigger family and wondering if that would ever happen.

And then this tragic earthquake happened.....

people all over where killed, families separated or completely left alone, children orphaned.

God used this tragedy to soften his heart, to open his eyes. You see, every time I would even mention adoption, the answer was always no...No, my husband felt like he could not love a child that did not come from him.....No, we didn't have enough money to adopt a child....No

But, with the combined sadness that Kelly saw in me that January and thousands upon thousands more orphans that were created in the blink of an eye, Kelly could suddenly see the need, he could suddenly see that he could love a child not of his body, he suddenly saw that this could be something that our family could do.

The change did not happen the day or even the week of the earthquake. But within the month following it, as we watched the news unfold, as we heard about the plane full of orphans who had already had adoptions completed came home to the US,

my husband changed.

What a difference a year has made. We do not have our referral and we actually feel like we are just sitting on our hands as far as our adoption goes. That's okay, God has His timing, I don't understand it, as I have said before, I don't always like it, but I am going with it!

So here we are, a year later, because of an earthquake in a tiny country called Haiti, we are praying and longing for a little boy, somewhere in Ethiopia, maybe born, maybe still growing in his birthmother's womb, who one day will join our family, one day he will be spoiled rotten by his big sisters, who one day...we will call Caleb, our mighty warrior, our child born not of our bodies, but in our hearts.

Let's Take Action Right Now for the Orphan!!!!

I just emailed my senators and congressman and it took me all of 5 minutes, please don't pass this by, read and respond!

A little fyi, Ukraine has a special place in my heart, this is the country that originally caught my eye for adoption. Some day, I want to adopt from this country...I hope the chance will be there.

Read this post on what is happening in the Ukraine that will stop ALL international adoptions. Look around her sight, their story is awesome and will be life changing if you take the time to read it. After you have read, make sure you stop by this site to email your congressman, and this site for senators. Another mom has posted an example letter that you can copy and use.

Why are you still adopting?

Seriously......

Since we have been gearing up for the picture fundraiser, our first big adoption thing since we got pregnant, this seems to be the questions some people have.

My first answer I guess would be, you haven't read this post, maybe you should go back and check it out.

The second thing I would say.....why would we stop now?! Truthfully, all I can think about when we talk about the next house, we NEED more bedrooms so I can fill them with children.

And not just children from my womb, but children from my heart.

You see, as I pointed out in my Plan B post, even though we have not seen these children, these orphans face to face, we have had an imprinting done on our hearts. We are different people, we can't go back to the way we used to be.

So....yes.....we are pregnant.......

yes......we will probably get pregnant again ;)

and yes......we are STILL adopting.........

yes......we may adopt after THAT! ;)

Right now, I am trusting God to bless us with the amount of children that He has in store for us (no, we are not Duggar material!)

And we are also trusting God to bless us with as many adoptive children as He has in store for us.

It seems like there may be more I'd like to say, I am a tad bit frustrated at this attitude, a little angry at the lack of understanding and compassion for the orphan, but I will move on with my life and let people watch our choices pan out, I will let God work on their hearts, because if it were up to me, it might not go so well ;)

Christmas Shopping!

Thanks Linny for the chance to share our fundraisers!

We wait on the Lord so that we can bring home a little boy from Ethiopia. We don't know who he is yet, but we know God has hand picked him from the beginning of time for our family. We can't wait to meet him! He will be under 18 months old :) Why not do some of your Christmas shopping right here and help us get one step closer to our Caleb?

Thanks so much!

Not sure what to buy as gift for someone for Christmas!!!

Do they like coffee?

Click HERE to purchase our from our coffee fundraiser.

How about some great African coffee that will support the farmers of Africa and our adoption all at the same time?!

*We get $5 for each bag of coffee towards bringing Caleb home!

It's the gift that keeps giving ;)

Once you are on our coffee site, click around on the left, lots of options, samplers, t-shirts, hats, mugs, all great for the coffee lover in your family!

Need a gift for someone who has a heart for adoption?

How about a t-shirt that sends a message?? There are other, non-adoption shirts with great family messages, check it out!

A portion of these t-shirt sales will also go towards our adoption!

*Only the shirts on the initial page are for our fundraiser.

Please don't forget if you are local, sign up for your picture slot for Nov. 6th. We still have spots open, you can see more info here.

Why Lord?

So, they other day I was just wondering to the Lord....why? Why this timing, why have us start our adoption when You knew we would get pregnant.

You see my human brain says, "dang it! we screwed this up, we weren't careful enough and got pregnant...."

My knowledge of God (which sometimes just has to trump the brain, even when it doesn't make complete sense) says that God knows all things, past, present, and future. He knew how this was going to play out.... :)

BTW...No, I wasn't having a melt down. I am LOVING the idea of having a tiny newborn around, even though my heart is still thinking and longing to know my African sweetie.

So anyways, back to my questions, why Lord?

The answer came so quickly and so clear that I want to make sure I don't forget it. I want to make sure I know His answer when I am sleep deprived and haven't had a shower in 3 days and the baby is crying and the kids need someone to teach them their lessons for the day. The answer was so clear that I am writing it here, more for me than you, as a reminder to press into Him and press on.

His answer was this.....

"To make sure you were serious."

Yikes!

That answer is fine till I start thinking about it. Wow! To make sure we are serious when we say, yes Lord, we will rescue one of your orphans.

That answer looks a little more serious post-baby....

Yes Lord.....

Even though we can make pretty, sweet, healthy children the old fashioned way.

Even though we have our hands full with 3 children.

Even though 2 of them need school and the other needs constant attention.

Even though we are older and not as ready to bounce out of the bed at 3 am when we were 22.

So, sometimes along the way I am still sad that we are not waiting anxiously for the call. But I am thankful that around me I have friends that I can celebrate when they get the referral....it's bittersweet though. Not quite as bad as last winter when everyone I knew seemed to be popping up pregnant. I didn't know if I could ever be pregnant then, at least I can celebrate with my friends and know that we will have our time.

Yes, Lord, we are serious, in fact, I would probably be in Africa picking out my child right now if someone would let me ;) Yes, Lord, I am serious...I already have matching cribs so that my South Carolina Princess and her African Warrior brother can share a room while they are little.

Yes, Lord, I am serious...I am dreaming and wondering how the little ones will get along, and how close their birthdays are and how many people will dare to ask if they are twins (I may just tell them yes, lol!) Yes, Lord, I am serious...I am praying for an African mamma who is most likely pregnant across the world with her son...my son...right now...

darn, now I am crying, that means I better stop there and go start my day!

Matthew West - the story behind the song :)

Don't forget to turn off the music at the bottom first!

One Less by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo.

The Joys of Pregnancy

So, I have been enjoying the 2nd trimester of pregnancy as of late. I am 16 weeks and feeling much better than I did for the first 12 weeks or so. I was plagued with lots of nausea and just plain old tired all the time. Maybe I'm just older this time around ;) maybe it's a boy like Kelly is hoping....who knows, I just don't remember feeling quite that bad. The worse part was that I was feeling sick in the afternoons and evenings. :( No easy fix of eating a few crackers before I hopped out of bed.

Anyways, feeling much better now! Moving onto the belly bump and just being hungry :) not too bad!

Oh, I do have another symptom that I don't remember with the girls, I seem to have strange, livid dreams just about every night AND I usually remember them when I wake up. I'm talking weird dreams, like one night Kelly and I were flying, like on a fluffy cloud, but sitting like we are on a horse....I know, weird!

As for my sweet Caleb, I am praying for him and still wondering about him. It's so strange that I will have a newborn in the house around the same time that I expected to have him home. I sort of want this little baby bump to be a girl because, quite frankly, I know how to deal with girls...but, secretly, I think a little boy would be great and Caleb would have a best buddy to grow up with.

Fundraising :) I sent the past 2 months hanging and tagging children's and baby clothes and items for our annual children's consignment sale. Usually I sell my girls clothes that we don't need anymore and then make just about the same amount that I spend on their clothes for the next 2 seasons. This year, I didn't even crack our own clothes out, just not enough time! I had so much stuff left over from the yard sales that I was able to fill 3 Z racks (you know the rolling racks from the department stores) plus I had a ton of baby items like a play kitchen, pack and plays, and toys.

The picture is of all the clothes hanging in my garage on a line Kelly hung up just for this....and I still wasn't finished hanging clothes up! (that's a double car garage!)

In all, I made $338 towards Caleb's adoption AND I still got a Z rack of clothes back that didn't sell! We did spend a little on hangers and safety pins, but in all, it's great!! I still have bags and boxes of summer and spring baby/kid's clothes that I separated out for the sale in March. I already have a ton of hangers and tags to get started since I will be busy being 9 months prego or busy with a newborn when the spring sale rolls around. This way, it can be all ready to go and Kelly can drop them off.

Anyways, that's where we are at, life is moving forward with adoption sadly on hold. I am finding things to take my mind off of the pain. I am seriously considering using cloth diapers with this baby and that would spill over into using cloth diapers for Caleb. I am not so earth conscience that I am trying to save the planet from disposable diapers ;) nope, just want to save money over the long haul. Diapers had it's own line on the budget back when the girls were little and if I can avoid that, all the better! They are so cute and everyone I know that cloth diapers loves it. I might be half and half, like use disposables on outings and during the nighttime. We'll see how it goes!

If you haven't seen my FB post, check out this link below. This adoptive mom is raising money for a very sick, very neglected little girl who is still waiting for her forever family. Her blog is an eye opener, be prepared to have you life changes.

It's not fair!

Wow, I am a terrible blogger! Something seemed to happen to me when I got pregnant and lost ALL of my energy and felt nauseous from about 2pm until I went to bed at night....I lost my desire to be at the computer. I'm not talking just blogging, no, I didn't want to even check my email. If I couldn't do it in under 2 minutes with my iphone, I didn't do it. Maybe God knew I needed an extended break from this time sucker (the computer), who knows?

Now, I'm not saying I am back to my old time commitment of my blog. No, I still don't have any desire to be here long. I'd rather be curled up on the couch with a good book, and I should be cleaning the house for our company tonight, but I thought I'd get some feeling out here so I can process them. (I will still update any adoption news!)

I have spent the past two months focusing on the joy of being pregnant, the necessity of giving birth again, and simply trying to do my best to eat and fix my family meals when food has lost most of it's appeal. (Oh...and scrabbling to find the energy and organization to get school rolling...can I just let you know that the pregnancy brain has already set in!)

With all this at the front of my mind, I thought I had moved past not accepting God's plan and His timing. I thought I had accepted that maybe my Caleb in Africa has not even been born yet. Maybe my Caleb is still with his birth mother while she is struggling with a decision to give him up. I knew we would meet Caleb and have him in our family in God's timing...I was good, pregnant, starting to show, and starting to like food again.

Wrong.

I was not good. And I didn't even know it. :( Oh how I still do not always accept God's timing, I do not accept rules that say we have to put our adoption on hold when there are 143 million orphans in this world, one of whom we want to love, we want to share our home with, one that my arms want to hold. And do you know what sent me into a tailspin? The first day of our celebrating series of I Love My Church. Yep, it's supposed to be a fun, exciting series of all the great things about our church. And there I was, sobbing by the end of it.

It literally hit me out of no where. I never saw it coming.

The 2 families that were featured are living out pure religion. They are following God's calling on their lives to speak out for those who cannot speak out for themselves. One family helped start our new ministry Project 143, a ministry to help and support the orphans around the world and families in our church who may be adopting. The other family is adopting a little girl from China. The call was to ask God, what would you have me to for those in poverty, the widows, the orphans, what will we do about the injustice in this world.

By the time the second family's video was playing, I was already crying. Sad that I have to wait longer than I had expected to meet Caleb.

By the time our pastor was asking our congregation to think about what God would have them do, I was sad, mad, angry, simply overwhelmed and livid all at the same time.

I was mad that there are ridiculous hoops that you have to jump through to rescue a orphan.

I was angry for the family adopting from China that they have had so many set backs, mostly due to red tape or human error that their dossier is still not in China.

I was mad that it is so much money to simply ransom a precious orphan to raise and love in your home.

I was sad that someone decided that we should stop our adoption just because we are have another baby.

I was mad that homestudy agency's out there will give an "unfavorable" homestudy to a loving family that doesn't have the "middle class" house and income.

I was devastated that I had heard and accepting the call from God to no longer live in comfort, to sacrifice, to speak up for the injustice of the orphan by bringing home our sweet boy that God has picked out for us.....and I have to wait. I needed a good cry, one for Caleb that I hadn't had since I found out I was pregnant.

I am so sad. Not sad that I am pregnant. Not sad that I get feel another sweet baby grow inside me, to bring him or her into this world and nurse that baby and be it's mother from the very first breath. No, I am sad that I have to wait longer than I anticipated to be Caleb's mother....to snuggle him, teach him his first English words...to show him that I am his mother and I'm not going anywhere. I have to wait to share those exciting new things with him like snow, ice cream, swimming in a pool, kisses from our dogs.....a family.

It's not fair.

That's a popular phrase around my house with my girls, and I usually just smile and shake my head and say, "No, it's not fair...I'm sorry about that."

I bet that's what God would tell me now.

"No, it's not fair. People added sin into my perfect world, and it's just not fair. I am sorry about that."

I feel much better after my cry. I still don't like the injustice of it all. I still want to hold my little boy. I still want to tell people that they can adopt if God calls them to it. I still want to go to Africa.

But I am waiting. I know God is in control....He has His own ways and His own timing. I'm like the mad toddler who isn't getting her way, I'm not happy about it, but I am waiting.

NEWS!

Unexpected joy.....

and sadness all at the same time.

All around me, prego mommas are poppin up, and I am so excited for them. Truly filled with joy, something that would have been hard in January for me. In January, I could barely contain the tears when I would hear of yet another friend finding out that they were pregnant. I am filled with joy for them, knowing that God has a plan for all of us, my plan includes a sweet brown-eyed little boy from far away. He is born in my heart and I will always love him as much as any of my children.

Unexpected joy.........because our prayers from last December have been answered.......

we are pregnant.

Sadness...........because I will probably have to wait a little longer to hold my sweet boy, who was born in my heart.

A friend said something comforting, that this just means sweet Caleb may not even be born yet. I know God had our days laid out, He has a specific child picked out for our family. My human brain says that's fine that our Caleb hasn't been born yet....don't you know I would take any of those sweet children? I don't want this sweet miracle growing inside me to alter my steps to Africa......

truly, they are not being altered, the time schedule has just changed.

I am glad that God knew all along that this would happen, I just hate when I lose sight of the fact that I'm not in control, I hate when I am surprised when things don't go the way I planned. I'm afraid this will be one of those life-long lessons......

God, "Jessica, I'm in control"

Me, "Yes, Lord, I know"

God, "No, Jessica, really...I'm in control"

and then I fly right for a little while before we repeat said conversation again. :) He created me with my controlling issues, He knows how often I need to be reminded.

These were my thoughts 3 weeks ago, as we waited for our ultrasound to prove that we indeed were pregnant and that baby was fine and healthy, we kept the news to ourselves and friends and family that we spoke to face to face or on the phone.

The biggest thing that I have come to terms with is that God does have a plan for our family. Our adoption plans were placed in our hearts by Him and nothing has changed. I still have a little boy, who God plans for me to raise who was or will be...born in Ethiopia.

My children now simply tell everyone, my mom is "getting" pregnant and we are adopting a little boy named Caleb.....all in the same breath. (Oh! If they only knew how rocked their world will be!)

More to come on all of our news, one thing for us that is clear, we now have more time to raise the funds to ransom our son from Africa. So, even though the paperchase has slowed, we are still "in the process" :)

Homestudy Approved!

I have been quiet on here, pondering life ;) Some know what's up, some don't. Sorry, not telling yet.

But...in the mean time, we received 2 pieces of the puzzle in the mail this week! Kelly got his employment letter, yay!

AND we have our notarized homestudy tucked away into the adoption folder with all the other paperwork! Hurray!!!! That combined with some donations that blessed our socks off, it's been a great couple of weeks.

Next comes an appointment on Friday and we will see where we head from there!

We are seriously trying not to melt in the sweltering heat. Our air conditioner is set on 78 and can barely keep the house at a unbearable 82 degrees! What can you expect when we are over 100 outside? YUK!

You can be the answer!

Would you PLEASE go look at this blog and see if you might be this little boy's family? Spread the word, this sweet child needs a home...fast!

a surprise blessing

Aren't those the best kind?

I have felt a little discouraged/worried lately about the adoption costs, since we haven't had a huge fundraiser (like the multiple yard sales) and because we have received so few responses to our support letters.

My surprise came when a sweet mom from our swim team unexpectedly handed me a check. The only reason that she knew we were adopting was because a couple weeks ago I had asked about her children, she has 2 older boys that were both adopted years ago. I was so surprised when she handed it to me as we left practice that I automatically reached out and took what she handed me and then had to back up and say, what...what...oh...is this for the adoption...oh thank you so much! You know when your headed in one direction and it takes your brain a few seconds to catch up....(okay, so maybe I'm the slow one!)

I got a chance to see her then again last night and give her a hug and properly thank her. She said the thing that sent my mind into thinking mode. She said that she was so excited and that she wished that it could be a million dollars, but she was happy to help.

I know that the Lord could pay for this adoption all at once if He wanted to, but...

what would I learn in that process?

How would that grow my faith in Him?

How many more people's lives can be touched this way?

I was reminded again that God's ways are higher than mine.

That He is going to pay for this adoption.

Even if that means He's going to pay for it $50 at a time....$15 at a time....

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if wedo not give up.

Galatians 6:9

_______________________

In adoption news, our homestudy was emailed to AWAA for the final OKAY, and then hopefully in a week it will be certified and we will be homestudy approved! (That means it will be time to start filling out all of those adoption grant applications....papers, papers, and more papers!) I am putting the final touches on the I-600A form which will get us a fingerprint appointment and a paper from immigration stating that we can bring a child into the US.

From there will start getting our paperwork notarized and waiting for these final documents. Once we have all of them, we can put them together for the dossier (the official, huge packet of papers that will actually go to Ethiopia). In order to submit the dossier, we will have our next large payment to our agency....$7,750

It's big,

it's a little scary,

but God says He will provide.

_______________

To my sweet Caleb, I am wishing you were already with us so that we could show just how much fun summer can be. Hot, sandy beach days, playing in the pool, yummy summer food, watermelon, hamburgers, and watching daddy light fireworks in front of the house. Next summer, baby, next summer....