Injustice

The injustice of it all is sometimes too much. The sadness is hard to deal with when my sweet friends bring their babies home and I wish it was us. But when the injustice of it all shows its ugly face, it's too much, I want to yell, I want to scream, and I want to get on a plane and bring however many babies back from Africa that I can carry. You would think that I would have my hands full these days with a nursing baby, homeschooling the big kids, and trying to sleep in between.....

No....

Instead, that makes the injustice of it worse.

While I'm snuggling the baby, my heart aches for the one crying in the orphanage.

While I'm nursing her at my breast, my heart breaks for the mother who has no milk because she herself hasn't eaten for days.

When the baby falls asleep with that look on her face that I can only call the "drunk baby" look, I want to cry for the baby who is starving.

When I assign school for my big girls, I cannot fathom that children are working just to help feed their families and they don't even have the option of school.

As I fold several receiving blankets in my little ones laundry, I realize there are street children shivering in the cold night.

No, being busy with baby hasn't made me forget, in fact, it would say my heart hurts more today than it did a year ago for the poor, the orphan, the forgotten of our world. Not to mention, when I read posts like this, I am simply heartbroken.  I have 2 hands, the injustice of the world is terrible, I could take care of my sweet one month old and another little one. Would it be harder? Yes. Would they all sometimes wait an extra minute for their needs? Yes, sometimes. But that would be better than the orphanages or the streets where the majority of the 143 million orphans are right now.

While I am feeling like this, I realize, how many people who call themselves Children of God are in their comfortable homes with income to spare, with 1000 sq. feet per person in their house and they won't consider taking one of these children. They won't even honestly ask God if this would be something that they should consider. Why?! I want to yell it!

Not in condemnation, but with the hopes of opening their eyes. In hopes of showing them what a difference they can make in a child's life. What a difference THAT child would make in THEIR life.

And with all this I am wondering, why Lord? Why am I waiting? I am willing, I'm willing right NOW.

I long to know my son, I long to hold him in my arms and look into his eyes. I long for him to snuggle next to his sister, his soon to be twin, people laugh when I tell them I will have twins, but truly, that is how I see them. My sweet twins, one with white skin and brown straight hair and one with chocolate skin and tight black curls. One from my body, born here in my home, and one born in my heart, destined for our family from the beginning of time by the Creator, born somewhere in a dusty Ethiopia home. I pray they will be the best of friends, who always have each other, who have their own special language as toddlers...that only they understand. I pray they can start that relationship soon, sooner than it will probably happen, soon Lord, soon.

Soon.

I don't really want to wait.

But I will, and while I wait, it's almost too much to go with daily life as if there is not a whole different life on the other side of the world...and it looks so much different than this.

Why Ethiopia?

I stumbled on a blog this morning that has renewed my heartache for Caleb....a little boy that I haven't seen yet, even though he is my son.  God has a plan for him to be in our family.

I knew all this info already, but I thought I'd share this video with you.  Just take a minute to turn off the music at the very bottom and then watch this as another family explains, "Why adopt from Ethiopia?"

Yard Work, Paper Work, and Cleaning

Well, we have been pretty busy around here lately and I really wanted to do a post about all the happenings..........

with pictures..........

but it seems blogger thinks otherwise.

So, you will have to just take my word for it. If I figure what is the deal I'll get some pictures on here later.....hopefully!

First off, I have been getting the gardening itch out of my system with some much needed mulch for my flower beds. The beds are beautiful after several days of spreading! Plus, my vegetable garden that the kids and I planted a few weeks ago is GREAT! We will have squash to pick any day now!

Next, we have been working hard on ordering all of our certificates for the paperwork for the adoption. I sent off for my report of a birth abroad (since I have a privilege of being born outside of the US, I got to pay Uncle Sam $50 plus FedX there and back!), and we signed papers that we will be mailing to our homestudy agency tomorrow. Our first home visit is scheduled for Saturday so I wanted everything organized. I read an idea on a message board to have all the paperwork in a large 3-ring binder and put all the papers in page protectors separated by tabs. That way the papers wouldn't get bent corners and a minor spill will not result in mom's heart attack. The tabs are separating different parts of the adoption; i.e. dossier(this is the official packet of papers that will actually go to Ethiopia), homestudy, our copies, and receipts. So I headed out to Office Max and got to organizing papers into the binder on Saturday. I have a nice picture of it....oh wait...pictures aren't working...maybe later ;) Naturally, big sis asked if I was going to make a cover for it (she's a daughter after her scrapbooking mother's own heart), so I may have to make a pretty cover to slip into the front of the binder.

Lastly, we are trying to finish up our Hague International training. Even though Ethiopia is not part of the Hague treaty, our agency required parents to take this course. Kelly was able to sit at work on Friday and finish up the last 3 or 4 hours, so I have a little catching up to do. But, I am happy to say that I am more than half way finished...we will be glad to have that part checked off. It's been very informative, but a lot is specific to other countries.

Buy Coffee to Bring Home Caleb!

Yes, you all may have noticed our link on the side bar, but I wanted to bring your attention to is again because Linny is having a Crazy Love #3 that you can read all about here!

Also, you may have noticed for the first time some new info.......

anyone notice?

Yep, our sweet little boy's name will be Caleb! This has always been our "boy" name and had sweet little sis not been a cute blond little girl, well, her name would have been Caleb. We are not sure about his middle name, because we may keep one of his Ethiopian names as his middle name...not sure yet!

So, if you buy some of this yummy coffee, we will get a portion towards our adoption AND it's a fair wage coffee so the famers are making money to take care of their families. Just click the link about and see what they have to offer. Thanks for supporting our adoption!

We need to look less to the computer for answers...

We need to look less to the computers and look more up. This is a realization I have come to today. A hard one because I was a child/teenager when computers took off. My generation lives on the computer, we look for answers on the computer, we communicate on the computer. Besides the fact the the computer is lessening the depth of our relationships (that's a whole other post)...the computer makes us look to God less and less for answers.

I realized this as I joined a Ethiopia adoption yahoo group so I could hear other parents stories, know what bumps they have encountered and so on. I probably joined at a really bad time with all the accusations flying and all the country changes going on right now. Or, maybe some people are always like this.

Instead of feeling full of information, feeling encouraged, I was shocked by the doomsday attitude some are taking and the pointing fingers that is happening all over this group. They are scared that the country will shut down completely, some have been burned by other countries or agencies and have become cynics. Some were very kind and uplifting, but it did little to lighten the heaviness of my heart.

Then came a link to an Australian News Article with the note to check out some of the comments at the bottom. I'm not sure I read why she suggested it, but I went to the article and found a one sided news piece with the same accusations as I have read in the past couple weeks. But was so disheartening was the comments. I was simply shocked that people could be so uncaring and selfish.

2 Tim. 3:2

People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy....

I saw this in the comments after the article. I saw it when people closed their eyes and thought people were cruel for not adopting an Australian child, but instead adopting an orphan in Africa "taking them away" from their culture and lifestyle. I saw this when I woman said this :

"I find the whole notion of rich (relative to Ethiopians) westerners paying buckets of money to purchase a child to meet their own needs repugnant. Imagine how many children an infertile couple could save with the money for 100s of children in Ethiopia itself rather than justify their own desires by suggesting they are saving a child.

I was devastated to discover I was infertile but life sucks and not everyone can have children. Get over it. Buying and removing children from developing countries to meet our personal needs is plain wrong."

And then I realized, I need God to fill this empty spot more than I need information, more than I need to hear it from others who have gone before me, more than I need to read others opinions.

Please don't misunderstand, online support groups and being informed are both important in this process. We know we can't go into the adoption (and especially the international arena) with our eyes closed and without knowledge. But, what I am saying, the internet is such a great tool for Satan and it's so easy to plunk in front of the keyboard and forget that I have an all knowing and loving Father who would love to show me the way and guide me in this journey.

So I banned myself from the computer that night, and I changed my settings to only "view on the web" for that group and I prayed God would be with those who have such a negative outlook on life.

For me, I plan on doing a little more praying before I start googling.

Decisions!

There is nothing to dampen the adoption mood like bad press. There was some accusations about an adoption agency (not the one we are thinking about) going into poor villages in Ethiopia and offering families the option to put their children up for adoption. There were also accusations that families were paid for their children. I don't know who is right, I don't know if someone is lying, but this heartbreaking and terrifying to me. I would never want to take a child away from a loving family that could provide for them. I do want to provide a home, love and a family for child that does not have anybody. A child who would live their days out in an orphanage if not for adoption, that is the child I want.

There is a level of risk and stepping out in faith with international adoption. We understand that, but we need to constantly pray that God leads us. That He leads us to the right agency, the right country, the right child. I know He has a plan! That will get me through!

On a another note, we will almost have our first program fee thanks to some awesome family members. They know who they are and we are both surprised, delighted and completely blessed by them! Thank you, thank you!

Also, we will be having a yard sale very soon. If anyone is local, we would gladly accept donated items for the sale. Please just let me know, I will even come and pick up items!