"If I were to ask God why He lets poverty and injustice exist, why there are so many orphans and why He does nothing about it, I am SURE He would ask me the same ..."

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About Us

My name is Jessica and my dear sweet hubby is Kelly. We have three beautiful girls, big sis and little sis plus our newest little baby sis :) Welcome to our site where we will blog about our journey to grow our family through adoption in Africa.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Why Lord?

So, they other day I was just wondering to the Lord....why? Why this timing, why have us start our adoption when You knew we would get pregnant.
You see my human brain says, "dang it! we screwed this up, we weren't careful enough and got pregnant...."

My knowledge of God (which sometimes just has to trump the brain, even when it doesn't make complete sense) says that God knows all things, past, present, and future. He knew how this was going to play out.... :)

BTW...No, I wasn't having a melt down. I am LOVING the idea of having a tiny newborn around, even though my heart is still thinking and longing to know my African sweetie.

So anyways, back to my questions, why Lord?

The answer came so quickly and so clear that I want to make sure I don't forget it. I want to make sure I know His answer when I am sleep deprived and haven't had a shower in 3 days and the baby is crying and the kids need someone to teach them their lessons for the day. The answer was so clear that I am writing it here, more for me than you, as a reminder to press into Him and press on.

His answer was this.....

"To make sure you were serious."

Yikes!

That answer is fine till I start thinking about it. Wow! To make sure we are serious when we say, yes Lord, we will rescue one of your orphans.

That answer looks a little more serious post-baby....

Yes Lord.....

Even though we can make pretty, sweet, healthy children the old fashioned way.

Even though we have our hands full with 3 children.

Even though 2 of them need school and the other needs constant attention.

Even though we are older and not as ready to bounce out of the bed at 3 am when we were 22.


So, sometimes along the way I am still sad that we are not waiting anxiously for the call. But I am thankful that around me I have friends that I can celebrate when they get the referral....it's bittersweet though. Not quite as bad as last winter when everyone I knew seemed to be popping up pregnant. I didn't know if I could ever be pregnant then, at least I can celebrate with my friends and know that we will have our time.

Yes, Lord, we are serious, in fact, I would probably be in Africa picking out my child right now if someone would let me ;) Yes, Lord, I am serious...I already have matching cribs so that my South Carolina Princess and her African Warrior brother can share a room while they are little.
Yes, Lord, I am serious...I am dreaming and wondering how the little ones will get along, and how close their birthdays are and how many people will dare to ask if they are twins (I may just tell them yes, lol!) Yes, Lord, I am serious...I am praying for an African mamma who is most likely pregnant across the world with her son...my son...right now...

darn, now I am crying, that means I better stop there and go start my day!

1 comment:

The Moon Family said...

Oh honey, I love the image of your twins! I always believed in my infertility journey that God wouldn't have put such a strong longing to be a mother (or your heart for Africa) if it wasn't going to happen...somehow.

Love y'all!
Suzanne

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