The money anxiety

So, I've been having some nerves over money for the adoption.

Just trying to be transparent here. (Disclaimer: there may be some selfishness coming out in this post!)

We've been in pregnant/new baby mode for awhile now, but now I'm trying to be in adoption mode. But the next, very soon big chunk of money we will need is stressing me out just a bit. I see other families that are adopting have super successful fundraisers and am truly happy and cheering them on. I'm so happy they are rescuing an orphan and adding to their family, but then, I am so disappointed knowing that we did the same thing and came out with less than half of their results.

Why?

Why do we put in the same effort and have poor participation?

I wonder what lesson God is teaching me in this?

To trust Him more....I am trying

To lean on Him and not myself....it's sometimes so hard

That money is an idol of mine....probably, ugh, seeing that in type almost makes me ill.

I hate money, I do. Sometimes I really just wish it did grow on trees so I could do all the good that I want to with it, but what would the end result be? Would I depend on money more than God? Maybe.

I hate money...

I need money....

I wish it was all or nothing....

Now, I guess I'm just rambling...



I'm praying and trying to give it all to God.....and we're having a car wash on the 16th... :-)