"If I were to ask God why He lets poverty and injustice exist, why there are so many orphans and why He does nothing about it, I am SURE He would ask me the same ..."

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About Us

My name is Jessica and my dear sweet hubby is Kelly. We have three beautiful girls, big sis and little sis plus our newest little baby sis :) Welcome to our site where we will blog about our journey to grow our family through adoption in Africa.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I am glad tomorrow is a new week...

I am in a bad place, simply a bad place.

I have been going nonstop, I am physically tired, I have been sick this week, and now I have a child on the verge of an ear infection (with no medical insurance till tomorrow, but even then won't have a policy # or card for a least a few days), not to mention that my youngest will get to spend her birthday morning at the clinic so that sister can see the doctor. Satan has used this to whisper lies to me and to twist truths in my head and quite frankly, I am struggling to not pay attention to him. I hate it, because he feeds me something and I know it's him and that it's not completely true, but I pause and think....hmm, there's a good point....at a point like this I simply rely on the Holy Spirit to intercede for me cause I just can't. I need God to put on that helmet of Salvation that for me includes ear muffs that is Satan-proof...they block out this whispers.

Part of my bad spot is because one of the two women that I confide in and spend time with has moved and the other is absent...well, for a whole host of reasons that will not be shared here. I feel right now like I have a whole lot of acquaintance and not many friends. I know a lot of people who I adore and (I think) they like me, but between the times we see each other, it feels like not much thought is given towards me. Right now, I hate living in the South for so many reasons.

Number 1 reason is it's only June and today it reached 100 degrees and the humidity was about as high as it could get....and did I mention that we planned a b-day party...outside....at 4pm....gross!

Number 2 reason, everyone in the South (I know this is a generalization, but it feels like everyone right now) has their extended family around the corner. To help with everything from watching the kids for date night, to setting up with a yard sale, to celebrating special days like your youngest is turning 6. And if it's bad enough that I am envious of this, I feel like those people assume we don't need any help....like setting up for a yard sale or celebrating our daughter turning 6. I would love for people to just help because they are my friend with out me feeling like I am begging for help! I hate that I feel like a new transplant, like I just moved here. Part of the problem is that we have changed churches, we have switched to homeschool and our good friends moved. All that equals.... making new relationships...which is fine....but it takes time. And right now, my time seems to be less and less. I feel like I am an hour short every day and a day short every week. I simply feel lonely....lonely for friends, I have plenty of people who are around, plenty of people who care, but I want people who know my business....

without me feeling like I'm complaining to someone who doesn't really know me. :(

I am also lonely for my daughter. Not lonely to be around her...I see her everyday, but I am lonely for her. You see, along with the family that moved, went her best friend. Her little friend that was so much like her in personality, her friend that never looked at her judgmentally when she acted a little crazy, she just went right along with it. Her friend that she absolutely loved and adored. I knew this was a terrible loss back in March. She seemed to handle is okay, but I wondered. Then this week, her Sunday School teacher confirmed what I had feared by mentioning that she was struggling making friendships in class. That's because they all have their little cliques (not really bad cliques, but groups of friends all the same) and she used to have her own group....with her little friend...who is now gone. So, once again I am mourning the loss of my DD's best friend, which makes me mourn the loss of my friend; all the while praying desperately for God to help my sweet girl make a new friend. Oh how I am praying.

Number 3 reason is the mosquitos, I hate them and they love me.

I would just like to go back to January, everything was as it should be then.

And did I mention half of this pity party is probably all hormonal, so please....take it with a grain of salt.

God did bless us yesterday with our yard sale, we had two sweet people bake for us and a lady who is also adopting helped set up in the morning. It was so hot and humid and Kelly swears we are not doing another all summer long... ;) but we made $500 minus lunch. Thank you God for always being faithful even when I have a grumbling spirit.

1 comment:

Julie said...

Hang in there. I just prayed for you. I hope you are having a better week.

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