Some thoughts

I have wondered what people are thinking since I put on here our changes.  Since NO ONE has said ANYTHING, my flesh worries that everyone is judging.

That's fine.



In the mean time, I have had some thoughts going around in my head and we have even asked some of these questions of ourselves. I stumbled on this old post of another blog, so I wanted to share her thoughts as they are almost exactly what is in my head.

See what Suzanne said here.

I had a similar conversation some months ago with a friend.

Who are we to decide which orphan has the greater need?

Is it the one in Ethiopia who might die at the age of 3 of a treatable disease?

Is it the down syndrome child in Eastern Europe that will go to a mental institution at the age of five to suffer unimaginable abuse and probably die shortly after the move?

Is it the child in Ch*na that thanks to a c*mmunist country they will be fed and cared for in a foster care family or an orphanage, but will probably NEVER know who Jesus Christ is?

Is it the foster care child in the US that will be bounced from home to home, KNOWING that no one wants them?

Is it the newborn African American born to a single mother who can't rub 2 pennies together, let alone raise a baby all by herself?

Why do we think we know what the greatest need is?  Shame on us....

Changes that have been a long time coming...

To say that we have been on the adoption roller coaster is an understatement.  We started this wonderful process 2 years ago.  We looked at the international options and came up with Ethiopia.

And I fell in love.

with the country,
with the people,
with the children.

Then we got pregnant with Alyssa.  I won't lie, I cried huge, sobbing tears when I found out I was pregnant.  Huge sad ears because I knew it would be that much longer till I had my adopted son, huge happy tears, because God had given me what my heart had desired, another baby to carry in my womb.

I just knew we had messed up God's plan for our adoption, yet, my head knew that God is sovereign and He was in control over this pregnancy.

We settled in for the long wait for the adoption and we got ready for our new tiny bundle...another girl...big surprise....he, he, he!
(wouldn't change her for the world!)

Then, we got the exciting news that we could come back to the program earlier than expected.  I was so excited and had high hopes that since we had much of the leg work, our paper chasing wouldn't take that long.

Normal time for a paper chase....4-6 months

Time since we re-entered the program....9 months.....

Does anyone else see a problem with that??!!

Now, some of this has been us dragging our feet, but not all.

Some of it has just been road block.....

after road block.....

after road block....

Now, through us dragging our feet and our involuntary pauses, we have had some stirrings.

I mean.... confusing, I don't know what we are supposed to be doing stirrings.

I had questioned so many things, where we should adopt from, who we should adopt, what age, what special needs, I have questioned and questioned.

One thing I have never questioned though, and that is the decision to adopt.

We are still adopting.  At least, if that's God's will.  And I beg Him often that it is still His will.

So, what are these changes, you ask???

Well, after much praying, seeking God, and discussion with Kelly, we are actively seeking to adopt domestically.  We didn't become aware of the huge need for domestic adoption of African American and bi-racial babies until after we started the process with Ethiopia.  We are looking into this for several reasons, but most importantly, because we feel God has laid this on our hearts and this seems to be the path He keeps putting in front of us.  We have seen first hand how some of these children could end up living if they were to stay with their birth parents.  We know for a fact, that many of these children, if not for willing adoptive families could have been aborted.

We love Ethiopia, and the children of Ethiopia, but right now we are giving Ethiopia to God and trusting that He knows best.  We are praying that He swing doors wide that He'd like us to walk thru and slam doors that we should stay away from.

The two biggest changes in this decision are time and money.

We could still wait awhile for our baby, BUT, when we do get him, we could have only a few days or weeks notice.

As for the money, we will be paying significantly less than Ethiopia, but again, the time we need the money in could be very short.  Thankfully we have just had the Trot (more info on final amounts to come soon) and our taxes just came in and went straight to the savings.  We are not sure if we will have another fundraiser or not, so please be praying with us that God will provide what we need it in just the right time.

We have decided to go the word of mouth method and have our profile on with 2 different adoption attorneys that place babies all year long.  So, if you hear anything...about a baby up for adoption, a birth mother needing a family, let us know, give us a call, keep us in mind.

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A couple weeks ago, I took a break from all adoption talk/work to do some nesting.  I really wanted to not only make the nursery suitable for both boy and girl, but I really wanted to make Baby Sis her very own space.  She inherited the craft room/play room and it still had left over stuff that had no other home.  So, I'll have pictures to come, I can't wait to show you, it's SO cute!

Anyways, that's it for now...my longing for my little boy is strong, but I am trying to enjoy my girls!

Please pray that God's hand will guide us through this new part of adoption of lawyers and birth mothers.

Holding me Together

Turn off the music at the bottom! :-)



Royal Tailor - Hold Me Together

Can you hold me together
Can your love reach down this far
Can you hold me together
Cause without You holding my heart
I'm falling apart
Falling apart